These Things Are Making Your Social Anxiety Worse

If you are someone who struggles with social anxiety, of course you have come up with ways to soothe it. This makes total sense! You have to get through it somehow. AND, oftentimes these soothing strategies help in the short term but in the long term are making your social anxiety worse. 

Here are some common coping strategies (also called safety behaviours) that may be making your social anxiety worse:

1. Pre planning conversations

2. Never sharing your opinion 

3. Going over what you said at the event over and over again in your mind

4. Counting how long you are making eye contact for

5. Filling all the silences 

6. Avoiding sharing personal information

7. Using alcohol and other substances in order to attend social events

8. Asking a lot of questions so that the attention is never on you 

9. Only going places with a friend

10. Leaving the room when you notice anxiety 

11. You stop doing what you were doing if you feel someone is looking

12. Standing in the corner at an event

13. Always having your hands in your pockets

14. Being on your phone every time there is a moment of silence 

Here’s why your strategies are probably making your social anxiety worse:

1. These ways of soothing and coping can become self fulfilling prophecies and have the potential of creating the opposite outcomes of what we desire. They can actually bring us further away from friendships and connections/make us stand out more.

2. They prevent us from learning that we can do well in social situations without all the extra effort.

3. They prevent us from being able to tolerate (and learn to be okay with) awkwardness, and nervousness, that sometimes comes up in social situations. 

4. They block us from experiencing tension or conflict with others (a normal part of relationships) and block our ability to learn that we can move through it successfully.

5. Relying on these strategies keeps us hypervigilant, therefore increasing physical sensations associated with anxiety.

6. They can block us from being connected to others, and reinforce the belief that we are unable to make friends. 

7. They block us from taking in necessary information important to social interactions. 

Dropping safety behaviours/strategies:

One part of moving beyond social anxiety is by learning to let go of these strategies. This can seem daunting. Try starting with low risk situations, small steps and with a huge dose of compassion for yourself as you try these very scary things! 

Try this:

When you notice your anxiety come up, can you stay in the room 2 minutes longer than you normally would before leaving?

Can you try taking one hand out of your pocket when out at a social event ? 

Can you share an opinion you have that may differ a little bit from that of others, but is very unlikely to cause a fuss? 

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Sources

Treatment Plans and Interventions for Depression and Anxiety Disorders - Robert L. Leahy, Setephen J.F. Holland, and Lata K. McGinn