Why I Love Emotion Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT)

EFCT is the main modality I use in my practice with couples. Here are some of the reasons I love it:

1. EFCT helps partners become a team.

EFCT focuses on the “dance” or the “cycle” that forms between partners. This cycle is the result of our attachment needs (our innate need to develop an emotional bond for comfort, protection and survival) and our past experiences both in and outside the relationship. How we are predisposed as humans to react to intimacy or lack thereof and to react when our needs are not met, becomes a complimentary dance that can sometimes take us off track. EFCT teaches couples to work together to be one against learning to exit this cycle.

2. EFCT harnesses the experiencing of emotions as the main mechanism of change.

Individuals have access to the main mechanism of change within themselves. EFCT helps clients build their capacity to connect to their emotions, and to express their needs. Creating new positive emotional experiences between partners is the main way that couples make change through EFCT. 

3. EFCT humanizes “the crazy”.

EFCT says that there are no irrational emotions. When you understand that in intimate relationships we stir up our hard wired attachment processes, yelling….saying very hurtful things…ignoring a partner for days..any behaviour you can imagine is no longer seen as “crazy”. These behaviours are seen as a very human way to get our attachment needs met in the only ways we know how… from the ways in which we learned to do so as children in our first attachment relationships with caregivers or parents. 

4. EFCT is evidence based. 

EFCT is research based (grounded in scientific research about attachment theory) and evidence based - we know that it works and creates lasting change!

5. EFCT is trauma informed. 

Of utmost importance in EFCT is slowing down. You may notice that the therapist often says “ I am going to slow you down there” or that they speak very slowly and softly throughout the session. Slowing down the conversations so that we can really experience what is happening in the moment is crucial. This is very important and effective for survivors of trauma where experiencing emotions can be very overwhelming, and taking it slow creates safety. 

6. EFCT assumes that when a couple has a secure connection, they can solve their own problems.

In EFCT, there is very little focus on teaching couples how to problem solve the day to day concerns that arise. Once couples reconnect in a secure manner, they are able to truly hear each other, no longer blinded by the intense anxiety and fear which drive their dance, and so, they come up with amazing solutions to day to day problems, together.

Written by:

Tara McRae MSW RSW

Registered Social Worker, Psychotherapist.

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Sources

The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy : Creating Connection by Susan M. Johnson