In most cases, acceptance is a big part of the therapy process. I have seen the ways in which it supports people in their healing process. I support clients in moving towards acceptance often, whether it is when working with individuals healing from perfectionism, anxiety, worry, panic or agoraphobia. When working with couples looking to re-connect or when working with the neurodiverse.
But I started to reflect on what it is that acceptance really gives us. What does the research tell us about why it’s so helpful in healing?
What I am talking about when I say acceptance is more so referred to as experiential acceptance (Block-Lerner, Salters-Pedneault, & Tull, 2005; Cardaciotto, 2005; Roemer & Orsillo, 2007) which is in contrast to experiential avoidance. We are looking to take an experience as it is, as opposed to trying to move away from it in some way. We are making room for unpleasant feelings, sensations, urges, etc., observing them, allowing them to be there, without getting attached to them but also without trying to push them away or run away (Harris, 2006). Experiential acceptance also includes a core principle of mindfulness - non judgment - the idea that an experience is not inherently good or bad or right or wrong, it just is.
So what does the ability to accept our experiences as they are, give us?
Acceptance allows us to experience a wider range of opportunities and experiences (Hayes et al., 1994; also Greenberg & Safran, 1987; and Bond & Bunce, 2003). A person who is able to accept things as they are spends much less time trying to flee pain and negative experiences. As we know, these experiences are everywhere; if we spend all our time trying to move away from them we likely are missing out on positive input as well.
Acceptance allows us to move through difficult emotions more rapidly. Acceptance of thoughts means we cling to them less and they tend to move away faster. Avoiding/suppressing them gives them weight and they tend to stick around.
Acceptance frees up energy and space! Resisting becomes more of the struggle than the thing we were trying to resist in the first place. I.e. I struggle with being tired. I feel like taking a nap. I don’t want to take a nap, I want to change being tired, I resist taking a nap. The effort it takes to resist this is more tiring than the initial tiredness.
Acceptance can lead to change. Before we can look to change a situation, we must be able to look at the situation as it is. Once our focus has shifted from being centered around what we don’t want to be the case, we can start to focus on ways of changing the situation.
